“We stayed together for the kids, I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a single parent home.” “I didn’t feel like starting a new relationship..’ was comfortable.” “I didn’t wanna hurt her feelings so I stayed in my relationship.” “He provides for me and my kids and I can’t provide for myself, that’s why I stayed.”
Obviously, there are so many reasons why people stay in toxic relationships. whether it be sheer complacency or financial woes. But should you stay with someone for any of the reasons mentioned above? The answer, absolutely not. Being in a toxic relationship is no better than tieing a brick to your neck and walking around with it everywhere you go. In fact, one source suggests that people with negative aspects in their relationships had a 34% increase in the risk of heart problems (even after taking weight, social support and other factors into consideration) http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongrelationships/a/relationships_b.htm
So having said that, How do you know if you’re in a toxic relationship and if so, how do you get out
Toxic relationship signs
A toxic relationship should not be mistaken for a relationship that just simply need rekindling, nurturing and excitement. A toxic relationship much different from a dead relationship is one that offers no possibility of hope whatsoever.
Ex. If when your partner calls you, text you or the very sight of him/her sickens you, it has reached a toxic level. Constant bickering, nagging and complaining where no solution or aggreement is ever met is another sign. A toxic relationship doesn’t necessarily entail domestic violence but when a relationship has reached a toxic point of breaking up/making up and bitterness, it can lead to domestic violence. however, this article is not about domestic violence and if you are in a domestic violence relationship, I encourage you to get out of it and seek help. I also have an article entitled “domestic violence in the LGBT Community”
How to Let Go
If you’ve been in a relationship for sometime that isn’t good for you, chances are, friends/family have expressed that. You may want to get out of it but realize its a lot harder than what you’ve imagined. So, what to do? My suggestion, is to have a long talk with your partner, reason without pointing the finger. Remind him/her that you both may have added to the problems in the relationship. Don’t bring up the past because it will just lead to an argument. You both already know what went down over the years. After a face-to-face conversation (no text messages, voice messages, email, certafied mail, 3rd party messenger; PEOPLE THATS TACKY) preferably over lunch, not dinner because it sets a certain mood, let him/her know you’ve moved on. They may not be excited about the idea, but it would be cowardly and senseless to stay in a relationship that makes you feel as if you had a brick tied to your neck. After you’ve broken up clean house
For Advice on getting over a breakup read my article entitled “after the love has gone”
